Hey, It’s Grey, the author of this blog and for the piece, I am going to drop the normal tone I use for this blog and just speak to you.
You may, or may not have noticed a sharp decrease in content from me. When I decided to take a winter break, I also decided to move. Which was a serious disruption but needed to be done. For a lot of reasons. A big one is that I had a sneaking suspicion that I needed medical care regularly and the pandemic, for lots of reasons, may that near impossible where I was. But, naturally, once I landed, got settled, and started acknowledging maybe I wasn’t just burned out, my health declined more rapidly than before. Because of course, it did.
One weird test later and I’m now on a medical crusade to find out why the decade-long struggle for managing my pain unexpectedly took a turn for the worse. And, to find a doctor who will actually care for me and take my concerns seriously. (A article will come later about this) So, my pain is high and I’m getting roughly about 7 -10 hours of awake time a day, spending most of it in bed. (And any dance day, which is important for various reasons, takes up a lot of it) Unfortunately, this blog (and groups and social media) takes a great deal energy, research and consideration to produce. Things I could put out in a week or two are impossible on that timeline right now. But, I also miss writing and have a lot I’ve found but have been too tired to put together quickly and so I’ve been avoiding writing out of guilt.
I don’t feel good about compromising my research and thoroughness to push content out before the concepts (if not the grammar, I’m working on it, I swear!) are ready to be presented and covered. It’s also the nature of the work that the angle I explore topics from isn’t a popular one, and so it can be hard to find easier topics, or look to others for examples. Yet, If you look in my room, You’ll find half-read books strewn around, empty Advil bottles, and notes written on sheets of paper and scrawled on my whiteboard at different angles. I’m trying, but I think I need to accept that at least until my health gets better (I assume at the best the fall after surgery) I need to really get my expectations of what is possible back down to earth.
So. Generally I tried to put out one large article a week sometimes, two. Unless someone, or I, think of an easier format, (perhaps my opinion or based on previous knowledge) I am thinking to take that down to one, hopefully, two a month. Most pieces by me are about 2000+ words. I am wanting to revamp some structures and focus and also give sources of the things I watch and read. (I’ve been doing a lot of back end work to make this easier for me to accomplish) Some upcoming topics are, Ideals and privilege, My hope for the dance community, minority hierarchy, blackness and sports, Black health, and the history of the second amendment, what is white culture, and dance community traditions with problematic history. But, I am wanting to try some live interviews (so I don’t need to edit them which was the issue before) both to supplement the articles as they come out with people who are more knowledgeable than I, and also highlighting voices and perspectives that I think are important or interesting. These conversations are also just a great way for me to generate ideas since often y’all be too awkward or shy to ask what you want to ask.
I also want to continue with watch parties and discussions. I find them interesting and it doesn’t require too much from me. I’d do Q and A if I thought people would be interested, and may, may decide to just ramble about topics I find interesting and want to talk about and haven’t written on yet. I also have a few projects I’m trying to decide how to name, that I think will be revealing and fun and great conversations starters. (Daily microaggressions and what it’s like living in white culture. For example)
I’ve also had to revamp the Patreon on the docket forever. And I’m FINALLY set up for a project I’ve been slowly getting the tools and energy for and am excited about, plus some other goodies for those supporting the site. There are somethings I can just more easily to from bed or in short bursts that don’t fit on the full site but I think are still important and cool. If you want more ME, or more experimental stuff or to get involved with where the site, goes, I’d suggest joining!
I think by removing the weight of expectations (even just on myself) around the amount of content for the public I can really focus on patreons and taking the time I need to need to read slower and take more breaks and naps in between upcoming doctors appointments. To keep the quality high even if the quantity drops.
If you have ideas of stuff you’d like, send it this way! If I can’t do it now I will for sure add it to the stack of stuff I REALLY want to tackle in the future. If you are interested in helping out, even just a bit, send me an email. I’d love some help from folks who can commit to a certain amount of time and/or are able to communicate that as it shifts. Consider joining Patreon or even just following there as once I figure out how to connect Patreon and the private Facebook group, it’s ON! (or just how to more easily post there in general). That’s where most of my nonwriting/researching energy will be going and they get the more unfiltered version of my thoughts and reactions as well as, by asking for feedback.
If you read this far, wow, thank you. I’m truly honored and hope to be able to keep putting out thought-provoking stuff though out and, especially after, this struggle with health. I do feel rather disconnected from the world, so if you see this on social media and comment with an image of a Fox or cats or dogs, I’d love some cheer and less feeling as though I’m talking into the void.
